Susan's New Beginning
by romansilence
Summary: Seven years after she left duty brings Captain Susan Ivanova back to Babylon 5 and she has to face the shadows of the past and new challenges. Talia/Susan  implied .


**Susan's New Beginning**

by

romansilence

()

Copyright Disclaimer: No, the characters and background stories of Babylon 5 do not belong to me but to JMS and some other people. I just borrow them for a spin. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be made. This particular story arch, however, is mine.

Sexual Disclaimer: If the idea of two adult women in love with each other bothers you, my stories might just not be for you.

Language Disclaimer: English is not my first language. So, please let me know if something is wrong or stylistically out of line – and please don't blame my betas; they had a hard enough job as it is.

Additional Disclaimer: This is a story in progress. So, I apologise in advance for all the loose ends it might create.

Summary: Seven years after the civil war on Earth Captain Susan Ivanova gets a new assignment and maybe a new chance at life.

Chapter One: The Day of the Dead

Six months after Captain Matthew Gideon and the crew of the Excalibur finally had found a cure against the Drakh virus devastating Earth, Captain Susan Ivanova of the Deep Space Explorer 'Jefferson' found herself with nothing to do. Her commanding officer had forced her to take some of her accumulated leave, the first since her return to Earth after the civil war more than seven years ago, the first since His death.

She had been ordered to take at least two months of leave to relax and "recharge her energy cells", as General Holland had called it, before taking on a new command he refused to tell her any details about. She had only been told to report to Babylon 5 two Earth Standard months from now and that she would receive further instructions then.

Susan was not used to have nothing to do; she was not used to being useless and her first instinct had been to fight General Holland's orders, but she also was a soldier at heart and would never willingly disobey such a harmless order. At first she thought of visiting St. Petersburg but though she always would be Russian at heart the Russian Consortium no longer was her home. So, she had spent a couple of weeks catching up on all that had happened during this time.

It was Michael Garibaldi's fault that she now was sitting where she was, in one of the luxuriously appointed guest rooms on the Brakiri home world. He had felt her restlessness when she had visited with him and his rapidly growing family on Mars, and had told her about the 'Day of the Dead' he had experienced a few years back while still on Babylon 5 in the year after the war. He also had told her that though the Comet the Brakiri held sacred usually returned only about every two hundred years by some sort of fluke said comet would be back in a few weeks. To the Brakiri it was an omen of great portent.

The Earth Force Captain had been intrigued by his recollection and had booked transport on an Alien vessel leaving for Brakir. It would have been faster and even more comfortable to use a military transport but most Officers and enlisted personnel even after all these years still treated her like some sort of hero or worse an icon of freedom because of the transmissions she had made as the Voice of the Resistance. She never had been comfortable with the unwanted fame and everyone recognising her face.

Before even starting on this journey half-way across the galaxy the rational part of herself, the stoic Earth Force Officer had argued that giving credence to this particular alien superstition was wrong and a serious waste of time and resources. The Human, the Russian part of her, however, knew that she had to take this chance; that she at least had to try. The idea of meeting someone from her past, one of her loved ones, possibly, was too intriguing to resist – at least if it really worked.

Fatalism was an integral part of her Russian heritage but the other part was hope – and it was equally as strong. The combination was what had driven Russian history for hundreds of years. Now it compelled her to act; an instinct more than anything. And if she had learned anything in her time on Babylon 5 it was to listen to her instincts, however reluctant she might have been to admit it.

Susan had been accorded quarters on arrival, sumptuous quarters suited for a state visitor. Her meagre baggage was quickly put away. Two servants brought in an evening meal for two. They also treated her like some kind of dignitary, but refused to answer her questions.

The Earth Force Captain saw the sun going down and soon after the scant illumination in her quarters flickered, changed to a red hue for a moment, and reasserted itself. From what she had heard about this day of the dead, she had expected someone from her past appearing more or less in front of her. But nothing happened.

The dark-haired woman took a shower and relaxed on her bed; at least she tried to relax. With every heartbeat she expected to see her mother, her brother, her father, Talia, Marcus, even Kosh or a number of other aliens. But though more comfortable, more luxurious than most other sleeping quarters ever assigned to her, these were just as empty.

Susan felt how anger was trying to get a hold on her and she wished more than anything else for just one shot of Vodka but contrary to her habit she didn't have any. Though she had been afforded all the privileges of a high ranking diplomat the Brakiri security officer had insisted that no alcohol was brought onto their planet because the last time they had had some problems with inebriated foreigners.

Oh, how she wished for a drink or two. Susan started to exercise to stay in control of her emotions; and at the end of her routine she was out of breath but not less anxious. She tried to meditate but couldn't reach the peace of mind she needed. It reminded her too much of the person who had taught her this technique during long hours on board of a White Star ship.

The whole night she waited for something to happen, and her mind kept wandering back to the past, to all the people she had lost over the years. Rationally she knew that there was nothing she could have done to keep her mother alive or her brother. She knew that her father would not have lived longer had she stayed at his side. She knew that there was nothing she could have done to save Talia but couldn't help berating herself for not having kept Marcus safe.

Susan had been aware for some time that the irritating Ranger was attracted to her but in hindsight the signs that it had been much more were quite obvious. She should have picked up on it earlier. She then would have been able to let him down gently; he would have had a chance to fall out of love with her, and he would not have given his life to save hers. He would not have died and she would rest in peace.

She tried to imagine the Vodka burning down her throat and chasing away her memories and her guilt but thinking about it only made her crave the real thing even more.

The first rays of a new dawn were beginning to streak through her window. Disappointment was making leeway in getting a hold on her; and for the first time this night, she closed her eyes in exhaustion. Then there was a voice clawing its way into her consciousness – a voice she had expected, no, she had hoped to hear.

It was the voice of her mother; the voice she remembered from the time before PSI-Corps had found out about her abilities; the voice from the time before the drugs had begun to destroy her personality and had driven her to kill herself. It was the voice haunting her dreams, the voice keeping most of her nightmares at bay.

"Trust your dreams, my daughter," it said, "trust your feelings. There's more to you than they know and much more than you know. Trust your heart. Listen to your heart – because the heart is the reflection of the soul. Trust your heart and you won't need any crutches."

"My heart and I don't talk anymore," it was the same answer she once had given the mysterious Lorien on the eve of the final battle in the Shadows' war.

"Oh, Susushka, you never did anything but act on your heart's fears and desires," the voice laughed, the gentle laugh that had always managed to bring her out of a bad mood – and then it faded away.

Susan stayed on Brakir for another week. She went for long runs and even longer walks, spent time in the gym, and except for one dinner with the former Brakiri Ambassador on Babylon 5 she couldn't politely refuse, she didn't socialise. Her hosts thought that she just needed the time to cope with what she had learned during the day of the dead, and in a way they were right.

After waking up she had tried to put the memory of her dream or whatever it had been out of her mind but one thing kept coming up. "Trust your heart and you won't need any crutches."

She didn't know if she would ever trust her heart again, people got hurt whenever she did, but she didn't want to live the rest of her life relying on crutches, and ever since Marcus' death alcohol, her nightly shots of Vodka had become her crutches. So, she used the time to purge her system from its addiction and arrived at Babylon 5 in better physical shape than she had been in a long time.

Chapter Two: Coming Home

Captain Susan Ivanova closed her eyes as soon as the flight attendant from the private transport she was on announced that their destination would now come into view. Most of the other passengers, in contrast, tried to get a good look at the looming shape of Babylon 5, its blue and grey hull contrasting with the almost glowing yellow of Epsilon 3.

To them it was a vacation spot, a chance for adventure and financial gain, or simply a rest place on route towards other promising worlds.

To Susan it was not as straightforward. Babylon 5 once had been her home; now, it was only a reminder of everything she had lost. But she didn't need to be reminded. Marcus' sacrifice and Talia's death were never far from her mind; and since she refused herself the blessing of Vodka induced oblivion, she only had become aware of how much they still dominated her thoughts. She still was angry with herself for how much she had let her life be regulated by the ingestion and digestion of the clear liquid. She no longer would rely on such crutches; that was not who she was and it certainly was not who she wanted to be.

The dark haired woman had been ordered to report to Colonel Elizabeth Lochley, the station commander, to receive her new orders at the end of her enforced two months of leave. General Holland had already made it abundantly clear that she would not return to the bridge of the 'Jefferson', the deep space explorer she had commanded after leaving the space station, but at the moment, she thought, any new assignment would be alright for her as long as it gave her enough to do to escape her memories, to escape the two gaping wounds in her heart. She knew from experience that she could stand the constant pain if she concentrated her thoughts on work, on her duties – it had worked after her mother's death and it had worked after Ganya's death.

As anxious as she was to find out what the brass had in mind for her; she was two days early and thus had decided to take her time before reporting to Colonel Lochley.

She kept her eyes closed when the flight attendant's next announcement made the other passengers scurry back to their seats to prepare for the docking procedure. Susan still knew every single step by heart, every manoeuvre of the pilot, every terse instruction from Command & Control. The slight movement of the ship told her that they were nearing docking bay two.

At this time of the day there would be at least two more passenger ships coming in at roughly the same time. That would give her the chance to get lost in the crowd. Now, all she needed was a young, inexperienced security officer to check her ID and she would have two more days to herself, though she really didn't know what she should do with the leisure time.

Luck, however, was not on her side this day. Security Chief Zack Allen was standing next to the young customs officer, scanning the crowd. For a moment she was tempted to sneak in via one of the various unofficial back alleys, but Susan also knew that she could not hide from the few friends left on the station indefinitely. So, she mentally squared her shoulders and took her place in the line.

Susan didn't have to wait for long. Zack saw her and drew her out of the line, hugging her like a long lost family member. Never having been a fan of public displays of affection, she was a bit startled, but recovered quickly.

"Hello Zack. You're looking good. Things must be rather quiet around here if you have the time to be on the look-out for me."

"That's one way of putting it, Susan. I'm glad you're here. The boss wants to see you, ASAP."

"I'm still on leave for two more days, Zack. Officially, I'm not even here yet."

"Sorry, Susan, orders are orders. The Colonel said as soon as possible, and she gets as soon as possible, and that's now."

"Alright Zack. And now also means that I don't get to change into my uniform first, right?" He smiled at her comment but it didn't quite reach his eyes. This was the last proof she needed to know that something was up and that she probably would not like it. "Then let's go. We can catch up later."

-x-x-x-

Susan and Elizabeth Lochley had never met before but each woman had heard of the other; this still was man's army and high-ranking female officers all but common place. Susan entered John Sheridan's former office, immediately taking in that it lacked even the slightest personal touch. She also saw the slightly rumpled uniform and the dark circles under the other woman's eyes and for the first time in too long her curiosity was picked.

Elizabeth in turn studied the trim figure of the Russian who even in civilian attire couldn't deny her military background. Only a few days ago her ex-husband and President of the Interstellar Alliance had called her "the epitome of an officer, a terrible enemy, and the best friend one could ever wish for". But the commanding officer of Babylon 5 saw more than that. She saw a very familiar pain in the unusually blue eyes of her visitor and instinctively knew that like herself this woman had lost too many of her loved-ones.

"Captain Ivanova, I'm glad you arrived early. Please, take a seat, let's talk first," Elizabeth said with an inviting smile that still could not entirely mask her bone-deep weariness.

"If you don't mind, Colonel, I'd rather stand. It was a long flight and I'm glad to be back on my feet. I'm also sure that you have better things to do than chat with a complete stranger."

Elizabeth's smile grew surprisingly more genuine at the almost rude answer of the other woman. 'Yes, they had a lot in common,' she thought.

"You are right, Captain, it has been a long day. We might have a chance to talk over a drink in a more private setting some other time. Your initial orders were to report here to receive command of a new vessel, right?"

"General Holland only said that I was to report to you to receive my new orders; he did not say what they would entail." Susan answered matter-of-factly.

"Well, the problem is that your new vessel is behind schedule and won't be here for at least another two weeks."

"So, my leave is prolonged for two more weeks, sounds good to me." Susan quipped in.

"No, I'm afraid not. I have to mediate some negotiations in the weeks to come and I need to leave Babylon 5 to do so. You will take my place while I'm away. Babylon 5 is still the same crazy place it always has been and the regulations have not changed too much for you to have any problems. You'll start tomorrow morning, and I expect my station to be still in one piece when I come back."

For a full thirty seconds Susan stared at the other woman: stuck on Babylon 5 for two weeks, in command of Babylon 5... The implications, both professionally and personally, were just too much to contemplate now; so, Susan did what she did best, she snapped into soldier-mode.

"Yes, Colonel, I'll report for duty at 0700 tomorrow. If I might ask, the negotiations you'll have to attend to, could they in any way affect the safety of the station?"

"They might; I was not given all the details, yet. I was only told that I should clear my desk as best as I could and that the initial time table had to be stepped up a few days due to security concerns. We both will be briefed tomorrow at 0800. There's no need to come earlier. One of the security officers will escort you to your temporary quarters. Dismissed."

Susan saluted crisply and left the room without another word. It was no surprise to find Zack waiting for her. "Susan, I had your luggage already transferred to our new VIP quarters. I hope you don't mind."

"VIP quarters? Please don't tell me you're talking about these pretentious things on the diplomatic deck?" she asked.

"Honestly, Susan, I'd never do that to you. I know you don't like frilly and overdone. Personally, I think the only people really comfortable in these rooms are Centauri, and there's not too many of them around at the moment. No, when Lochley insisted on staying in your old quarters, even after the President moved to Minbar, his old rooms were transformed to VIP quarters, designed for military use only. You only are the third person to use them in almost six years."

"Well, in this case I should find my way without help, Zack, and you can go back to your duties."

"I'm off duty since you entered Lochley's office, and I had hoped that we could catch up over a drink at the bar, that is if you're not too tired."

Instinct told Susan to refuse his offer and use fatigue as her way out but she saw the hopeful glint in his friendly eyes and accepted. "In this case, let's go."

-x-x-x-

Three hours later, she fell on the couch in John's former quarters, having been filled in on the highlights of seven years of near-disasters, diplomatic functions, run-ins with the Psi-Corps, the on-going bickering between the commander of Babylon 5 and President Sheridan's chief of covert operations, of people with which they had worked and many other things. She in turn had regaled him with some of the more humorous encounters the Jefferson had had in deep space and a couple of the dicier situations of which they had had to find a way out.

Susan had smelled the alcohol hanging in the room like a dense cloud. She had felt its pull, the need to down two quick shots and then hold onto the third for a bit longer before also draining it in one gulp. But she had stuck to orange juice, freshly pressed from the hydroponics bays. At his questioning look she had just shrugged her shoulders and told Zack what John had told her when he first had been transferred to the space station. "It's practically impossible to get something fresh on a deep space mission. I'll enjoy it to the fullest as long as I can."

Zack had nodded unconvinced but he had continued his tale about a thief trying to hide contraband in a hollowed out artificial leg and his surprise when the communicator he had unwittingly grabbed began to beep at the check-in point for his transport.

To her own surprise Susan had enjoyed the evening with her old friend. They had been through a lot together and yet he was not close enough to her to see behind her mask, not like Garibaldi or John or Delenn.

She quickly rose and began to unpack her few belongings to keep the memories at bay and twenty minutes later washed the last traces of this day off her tired body and fell in a deep sleep.

The End of 'Coming Home'

To be continued in 'Memories'

**P****n**** – Memories**

by

romansilence

()

Copyright Disclaimer: No, the characters and background stories of Babylon 5 do not belong to me but to JMS and some other people. I just borrow them for a spin. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be made. This particular story arch, however, is mine.

Sexual Disclaimer: Nothing graphic here, but if the idea of two adult women in love with each other bothers you, my stories might just not be for you.

Language Disclaimer: English is not my first language. So, please let me know if something is wrong or stylistically out of line – and please don't blame my betas; they had a hard enough job as it is.

Timeline Disclaimer: The story takes place seven years after the founding of the Interstellar Alliance under President Sheridan. It's the sequel to "Pn – The Day of the Dead" and "Pn – Coming Home". Though it might be prudent to read the first parts it's not necessary.

Summary: Susan's first day as interim's commander of Babylon 5 brings back a lot of memories long thought forgotten.

After having spent one hour in the briefing and two more being filled in on the more crucial things going on at the station at the moment, Captain Susan Ivanova, formerly of the deep space explorer Jefferson and temporary commanding officer of the space station Babylon 5, returned from seeing Colonel Lochley off to the transport that would bring the Colonel first on board of a White Star and then close to sector 14 where the negotiations should take place.

Susan had a ton of paperwork to read through before being really able to do her job here adequately but her mind kept going back to the negotiations and the fact that sector 14 in her opinion was still too close to Babylon 5. Whatever happened out there could easily spill over to the station and as odds usually went, especially with the parties involved, it would; though she had to admit that it was a daring plan, and at least from her point of view completely out of character of one of the main players.

So, her first order of business had been to keep the sector under constant surveillance. There still was a no-flight-order in place for the whole region of space. Both the White Star and the other two ships expected would use a new kind of cloaking technology that should keep them off the screens. Anything showing up therefore was trouble she wanted to know about before it hit her unprepared.

The highlight of her day, so far, had been seeing Corwin, now a Lieutenant Commander, in command of the Control Centre and doing a very good job. She remembered the young man she had met more than ten years prior, fresh from the Academy, eager, wide-eyed and so unsure of himself that he had trembled every time he had had to report to a superior officer.

Twelve years, no, more…. This all has been almost half a lifetime ago, and yet to her it seemed as if it had been only yesterday. Susan called herself back to order and concentrated on the stack of papers in front of her. She was not yet old enough to lose herself this way in memories.

-x-x-x-

The day passed without any major crisis, to Susan's utter surprise. She intended to grab a bite to eat at the Zocalo before retiring to her quarters but when she saw the vendors' stalls with their finger food and knick-knacks and fresh fruits memories she had thought long forgotten swept over her like a wave. Short flashes showed her Marcus and her old self walking past some of the stalls without really seeing them, too swept up in one argument or the other. She saw herself when she still tried to avoid meeting Talia Winters, seeing her as just another PSI Corps agent, just another threat. She saw herself hiding behind one of the stalls, following the blonde telepath with her eyes, observing her.

The images were so strong; it was almost like a blow to her chest. Susan kept herself from falling by grabbing a wooden contraption to her right. A muscled hand steadied her and brought her back to reality. She looked down at the scaly arm of a Drazi male, a fruit vendor Talia had befriended. He had been the only one to have her favourite fruits in stock. It looked like an apple but tasted like a cross between a maracuja and pine apple. It was a Minbari fruit called Cakjoya.

He looked at her with a gentle smile and then offered her two of the fruits. Susan instinctively reached for her credit chip to pay him but he stopped her and said, "For remembrance, Captain Ivanova. It's good to have one of the old guard back here. Have a good day, Captain."

Susan was too stunned to offer anything in answer, and suddenly he was nowhere in sight.

-x-x-x-

The tall raven haired woman returned to her quarters and thoughtfully put the Cakjoyas on the kitchen counter. She looked at them as if at an enemy. At first she had not liked them, too sweet for her taste, but after having been fed small bits by her lover's hand she had revised her initial judgement and come to love the taste.

Susan remembered the first few weeks on board of the Jefferson. Her head cook had somehow put his hands on quite a cartload of Cakjoyas without really knowing what they were. They were high in vitamins and fibres and would do her crew good. She had told the cook how to prepare them and had then done her best to avoid the messhall until all of his Cakjoya provisions were gone.

She stripped and stepped under the steaming hot water of the shower. In the past it had always helped her to regain control of her raging emotions, had washed them away as if they never had existed. This time it didn't work, and she wasn't even surprised that it had not.

Putting on her robe she walked back into the living room and once again stared at the innocent fruits. She turned towards the couch and activated the view screen in an effort to take her mind off her past. Soon she turned her head back towards the kitchen counter, her eyes irresistibly drawn towards the Cakjoyas and she remembered the first time they had made love.

-x-x-x-

It had taken Susan months to admit her attraction to the shapely blonde and even more time to stop rebuffing her overtures of friendliness, of friendship. Talia's persistence had worn down her stubbornness, but it still had taken weeks to go any further than just talking since the first time the telepath had taken off her gloves and the PSI Corps insignia. It had been harder and harder for the dark haired commander to keep her hands off the woman who regularly dominated her dreams; and when it finally happened she trembled in fear and anticipation.

Even without Talia's warning that she would not be able to keep her blocks up and that she would know all of Susan's thoughts and feelings should they ever make love, Susan knew what she was risking. She knew she would be discarding the first orders she ever had received, the first thing her mother had ever taught her, long before she had been able to understand why.

"Tell no one, let no one in."

She also knew from experience that she also would not be able to uphold her mental walls and be able to read her partner's emotions. With her former lovers that never had been a problem, they had been mundanes just like Talia believed her to be. Susan knew that she was risking everything she was, everything she had achieved in her life.

From the first moment her fingertips touched Talia's skin the dark haired woman knew that it would be worth the risk. She instinctively pulled the blonde closer until the whole lengths of their bodies were touching.

Susan drowned in Talia's blue eyes, willingly and consciously letting go of the defences her mother had taught her to hold in place every moment of her life. This time she did not wait for them to falter on their own. The voices she heard every time she drank too much and every morning just after waking up were back for a moment; and then there was only Talia left.

They still had not gone further than skin contact and yet it was more intense than anything she had ever felt before. She let herself fall into the embrace of Talia's thoughts and emotions. Susan felt the other woman's surprise at feeling her mind reach out for her. Only then did the blonde shed all of the barriers protecting her from the outside world.

For the first time in her life Susan let someone in; for the first time since her mother's death she felt the presence of another soul in her mind, and for the first time she didn't feel lonely. For the first time she felt at home and safe while making love. But it was more than just that. She simultaneously felt like plunging in a cold lake after a scorching hot day and like the first time flying a Starfury in battle, scary and wonderful and addictive.

Susan felt Talia in her mind and after the first few minutes of getting used to it, it went beyond anything she ever would have dared imagine and would probably never be able to put into words.

Later, much later, when their respective defences were almost completely back in place and Talia was comfortably snuggled in Susan's arms, the blonde said, "Thank you, Susan!"

"It's me who should thank you, Talia."

"I love the way my name sounds when you say it. But you're wrong: thank you, Susan. You're possibly the bravest soul I ever met, Susan Ivanova. Thank you for trusting me with your secret. I'll not betray it."

"I know you won't, baby girl. I never trusted anyone with this before, no one but my mother."

"Your secret is safe with me, my beloved."

The dark haired woman closed her arms more firmly around Talia's slightly shorter body. She closed her eyes and once again lowered her protective walls, concentrating her thoughts on the other woman.

"I never thought that making love could feel this way," she sent.

"Me neither," was the soft answer.

That broke Susan's concentration and her walls automatically snapped back in place. She looked at her new lover with question marks in her eyes.

"It's true, Susan," this time the blonde spoke out loud. "In my first year here I tried to explain to Commander Sinclair what it's like when telepaths make love. I told him that once your defences are down it's all mirrors reflecting each others feelings, deeper and deeper. I told him that somewhere along the line the two souls would mix, and that the feeling was so profound it made you hurt.

"That's how it always has felt for me before today, before now. Now, I know that it was not the whole truth. The only hurt, the only pain I felt was when our souls separated. I thought that making love with Jason was the apex of perfection. I was wrong."

"Jason Ironheart was a very strong telepath, even when you met the first time, and his gift made you much stronger, my Talia. That's what his friend said to me before he had to leave the station after the incident with Bester."

"No, Susan, I don't think that it has anything to do with personal strength or the question if I'm still a P 5. Two years ago I also told Commander Sinclair that making love was the only moment in a telepath's life when we no longer hear the voices of all the others and that's still true – but every time before when the two souls mixed there was only silence. This time it was as if for the first time I could feel my own soul and yours and together they didn't cause silence but the most perfect, the most harmonious melody one could ever imagine."

"That's what it felt like for me, but I'm not even a P 1. It doesn't make any sense."

"Does it have to, my beloved?"

Susan saw the sincerity in Talia's big blue eyes and decided that she didn't really need a rational explanation, but she also heard the blonde woman's thoughts at the edge of her own.

"You're stronger than you think, my Susan."

-x-x-x-

That last thought snapped Susan out of her journey along memory lane. As if waking from a dream, she found that she had taken one of the Cakjoya, peeled and eaten most of it while in the grip of her memories. She felt the urge to wash the taste down with a big mouthful of vodka but she didn't. Instead she raised her hands to her face and revelled in the unique scent of the Minbari fruit.

Once again, perhaps for the millionth time since the implemented personality had taken Talia from her, she asked herself why they never had come for her. Had Talia really been able to hide the knowledge of her limited telepathic abilities from Bester and his researchers? She must have or they would have come for her long ago. It had made no sense then and it still did not make sense now.

She mechanically put the peeled off skin in the waste bin and returned to the couch. Her mind went back to the stray thought she had picked up from Talia this first day of making love. After this first time none of them had felt a need for further discussion of the experience; they simply had enjoyed it.

"You're stronger than you think, my Susan."

Ever since Talia had been lost to her, Susan had refused to acknowledge this part of her personality, but now, back where it all had started, she didn't know if she could do that any longer.

Perhaps it was time to stop running. Perhaps it was time to call it a day and go to bed.

The END of 'Memories'

To be continued in 'The Hour of the Wolf'

**P****n**** – The Hour of the Wolf**

by

romansilence

()

Copyright Disclaimer: No, the characters and background stories of Babylon 5 do not belong to me but to JMS and some other people. I just borrow them for a spin. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be made. This particular story arch, however, is mine.

Sexual Disclaimer: Nothing graphic here, but if the idea of two adult women in love with each other bothers you, my stories might just not be for you.

Language Disclaimer: English is not my first language. So, please let me know if something is wrong or stylistically out of line – and please don't blame my betas; they had a hard enough job as it is.

Timeline Disclaimer: The story takes place seven years after the founding of the Interstellar Alliance under President Sheridan. It's the sequel to "Pn – The Day of the Dead", "Pn – Coming Home" and "Pn – Memories". Though it might be prudent to read the first parts it's not necessary.

Summary: After her first, rather quiet day in office as temporary commander of the space station Babylon 5 Captain Susan Ivanova finds that here one can still always expect the unexpected; and that trouble will always find her.

The sound of the Babcom jostled her out of a deep sleep. She had fallen asleep quickly with the taste of the Chakjoya fruit still on her lips and for once she had slept without being disturbed by dreams. Long habit had her in her robe and in front of the view screen before the worried face of Lieutenant Commander Corwin appeared, flanked by Zack Allen. The Chief of Security also looked far from relaxed.

"Report!" She ordered.

"Sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night, Captain, but there has been an incident."

"What kind of incident?"

"It seems that we lost a section of the station, about a third of brown sector disappeared from our sensors half an hour ago. Za… Mister Allen sent a patrol down and they found some sort of energy barrier. We're unable to penetrate them, not with scans, not physically, not with weapons." Corwin reported.

"I just had a chat with the Brakiri Ambassador but he denied any knowledge. He even seemed to be offended by the mere idea." Zack added.

"Corwin, do we have any idea of what kind of energy the barrier consists?"

"Our scans were inconclusive, Captain; all we can say at the moment is that there has been no considerable increase of the energy output of the station. Whoever has put up the barrier has not done so by tapping in our energy system."

"Hmm. Zack, I want you to pull your people back from the barrier and establish a security perimeter around the affected area as best as you can. Meet me in down below, I want to have a look at that myself. Ivanova out."

Susan quickly dressed in a fresh uniform, pulled her hair in a ponytail and purposely strode out of her quarters. She was reasonably sure that the Brakiri had nothing to do with the current situation.

When she had had dinner with the former Ambassador Coulenbrac on their home world he had loudly complained about Colonel Lochley's unreasonable refusal to sell a part of Babylon 5 to his successor to give his people off-world the opportunity to celebrate this unexpected 'Day of the Dead'. She had done it almost seven years ago and according to Michael had been stuck in it together with Emperor-to-be Londo Molari and him. Susan suspected that she had seen someone this night she had not been ready to meet.

No, the Brakiri had nothing to do with this.

Zack was waiting for her at the end of the transporter ride, tucking at the collar of his uniform jacket. "Stop fighting it, Zack. Once you do, it will stop being uncomfortable."

"Easier said than done, Captain. You know, I didn't like the Minbari designed uniforms we got from Delenn but they did fit a hell of a lot better than these things do – and now you're telling me that it's all a question of attitude?"

"In a way it is, Zack. It might also help if you have your tailor line the inside of your collar with silk or something similar." Susan concluded with a smirk.

"You'd think someone could have told me that years ago. There we are; it's right around the corner."

Four heavily armed and armoured security guards were kneeling with their backs to them; their weapons trained towards a blue wall of energy. It was simmering like water cascading down a sunlit mountain side.

Despite Zack's shouted warning she stepped closer until she was only a nose-length away. The temptation to touch it was strong, very strong, but Susan knew that it would unduly worry the Chief of Security. She had at least to give him a warning.

Susan took a deep breath and turned around. "Move your people back to the main junction of the sector, Zack. This is something I have do alone."

"Sus…, Captain, please reconsider. You don't know what's behind this thing and it's my job to keep everyone on the Station safe, including you."

Zack had always been a friend, so, she added. "You can stay here and keep an eye on me, 'til I'm in."

He only nodded and ordered his people to leave. "You know what this is, right?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but I have a pretty good idea. The Colonel earmarked a few of the older reports for my attention before she left. I suppose you still remember the incident about Byron and his group of telepaths and Bester trying to stop them?"

"How should I ever forget that? Bester was frustrated to no end. Without Lochley going down there to talk with this martyr we might still try to get them out – and if memory serves their hiding place was pretty close to here. Do you think it's one of them?"

"There's only one way to find out. Touching the barrier should advise whoever is on the other side of who's out there, and with a bit of luck they might let me in, picking up on my hatred for the Corps. They certainly won't trust a security officer; that's why I want you to wait outside."

"Will they trust an Earthforce Captain?" Zack challenged.

"They might not, that's why I'll leave my rank outside."

Susan slipped out of her jacket, leaving her in a form fitting white shirt. She handed it to Zack, together with her PPG.

"Is that wise, Captain?"

"Were you already here when Mister Bester graced the station with his presence for the first time, Zack, when Commander Sinclair was still in command? He was here to capture a rogue telepath named Jason Ironheart."

"No, that was before my time but I heard a lot of rumours about this Ironheart guy's power getting out of control and that he supposedly evolved in a being of pure energy or something. At the time I thought it outlandish and stupid, but after everything I have seen here, I'm no longer as sure of anything."

"Ironheart created an energy barrier that looked very similar to this one but he was special due the experiments the Corps made him go through. Usually it would need at least a group of P 12s to do something like this. Do you really think even an arsenal of PPGs would do me any good?"

"Probably not, but it's against anything Garibaldi ever taught me."

"Trust me, Zack. I'm sure that this is the only way, my friend." Susan felt a bit guilty for playing on his affection and friendship this way.

The tall Russian then extended her arms and touched the energy screen with the flat of both hands, half expecting to be propelled backwards. Instead she was overwhelmed by a sense of pain and fear, definitively not her own. The barrier disappeared and before stepping inside she turned half around and ordered Zack to have Doctor Hardy, the Station's CMO, stand by. "We'll probably need a trauma team here."

Susan was not aware of the energy curtain reappearing almost immediately after she had entered the area, but she felt the presence of someone else in her mind, someone trying to scan her. For the fraction of a heartbeat she was tempted to try to block the scan. At the last moment she stopped, Talia's words once again popped up in her mind. "You're stronger than you think, my Susan."

It was then that she recognised the presence in her mind. She had felt it once before, when Lyta Alexander had tried to send the password revealing the PSI Corps traitor. So, she decided to take another chance and called out,

"Lyta, where are you? Are you hurt?" She listened to the echo of her voice. "Lyta, please, answer me!"

"Third corridor to your right," was the only answer.

Susan rounded the corner and found Lyta kneeling on the ground with G'Kar's upper body resting on her thighs. There was blood everywhere and a few feet away the bodies of two men were lying on the floor face first. It didn't need a medical professional to see that they were dead.

"How is he, Lyta?" Susan said after going down on her right knee next to them.

"I got him stabilised by inducing a telepathic coma. He needs medical attention but I could not risk contacting sick-bay. Officially we… he's not on the Station, and if I show myself on the upper levels security will be forced to arrest me."

"Were you hurt when they attacked?"

"No, just a scratch. I'm alright."

"Why the energy barrier, Lyta? It made a lot of waves in C&C."

"They were PSI Cops trying to get to me. I didn't know if there are any more of them out there. It was an instinctual reaction. Do you want me to drop it?" The redhead asked.

"Yes, in a moment. I have a trauma team standing by outside. G'Kar will be cared for. Zack and I will develop a believable cover story and dispose of the bodies. Lyta, I want you to stay out of sight for the time being. We'll have to talk about all of this but it'll have to wait until later."

"Sounds reasonable, but why should I trust you, Captain Susan Ivanova of the EAS deep space explorer Jefferson?"

"Currently, I'm the temporary commanding officer of Babylon 5. And why you should trust me? I could say for old time's sake, but there's an easier answer. You can trust me because I trust you, Lyta. Scan me if you want to make sure."

Once again the tall officer fought against her need to protect herself from the scan. Lyta's and her eyes locked, but she didn't feel the distinct sensation of someone probing her mind. A couple of minutes passed and finally the redheaded telepath seemed to have come to a decision.

"We'll do it your way, Captain."

"I'll need at least 'til midday to sort everything out. I suppose this somehow has to do with the negotiations Colonel Lochley went to mediate?"

"I fear it does, at least in a round-about way. I'll contact you early afternoon, Captain Ivanova."

"Susan, please."

"Alright, Susan. I'll drop the shield now. Please take good care of him."

The rest of the incident was rather anticlimactic as far as official records were concerned. Zack manipulated the manifest of the private transports and registered G'Kar's arrival for the day before. The two PSI Cops were incinerated as unidentified lurkers from down below having tried to rob the former Narn Ambassador. He got hurt while taking them out.

To find an explanation for the energy barrier had been harder; it would not do to simply erase it from their sensor logs. There were too many people in C&C and in the security teams to just pretend that nothing had happened. So, Zack and Susan cooked up a story about G'Kar bringing an alien device to the Station to have it examined. During the fight with his attackers it had been activated by accident and created the energy barrier. The Chief of Security and the temporary commander had used a sudden fluctuation in the barrier to get in and had then disabled the device with concentrated fire from a PPG, destroying it completely in the process.

Zack had really come through for her as soon as he had heard that Lyta was involved, possibly due to the crush he still harboured for the red-haired telepath. Now, everything she had left to do was to wait for Lyta to contact her.

Susan knew that from a professional point of view she should have questioned Lyta when she had had the chance. She should have had her arrested, despite her sympathies for the rogue telepaths; after all the Remember-Byron movement was a terrorist organisation and its unofficial leader wanted by more than just the Corps.

The tall woman decided to spend some time in C&C and give Corwin a break. The routine operations would take her mind off things, especially of her personal problems.

Even before she had reminded Zack about the renegade telepaths and Ironheart she had known without a doubt with which kind of energy barrier they were dealing. She had known even before she had seen it. Susan had sensed it, and she should not have been able to do something like this. She also should not have been able to identify Lyta's mental signature in her mind. Both things were way beyond the capabilities of someone who was not even a P 1. She shook her head at herself, but Talia's words, so recently remembered, kept haunting her.

"You're stronger than you think, my Susan."

Susan was drawn out of her unsettling thoughts by Lyta contacting her over her comm. link. She gave her directions to one of the rented quarters in blue sector.

Lyta activated a jamming device as soon as the door had closed behind Susan.

"Is this really necessary?" She asked, "It won't do any good if another one of these PSI Cops is on the Station."

"I scanned the Station a couple of hours ago. PSI Corps won't be a problem for now, but Number One has eyes and ears everywhere. We usually try not to step on each others toes but a bit of caution has never hurt everyone."

"I understand. Thank you for not contacting me telepathically, Lyta."

"You're welcome, Susan."

"Did you have the chance to speak with your representatives at the negotiations?"

"Yes, everything seems to be alright. They have arrived at the White Star, as have the others. The negotiations will start as scheduled tomorrow morning."

"Do you think that it will work out?"

"I hope so, Susan, but I'm still a realist. I don't trust the Corps and I don't trust Bester. It also has been hard work to convince the others in the resistance to even try. Byron would not approve of all the killing in his name."

"Is this why you came back, Lyta, to end the violence?" Susan asked curiously. "Every newspaper and report I read blames you for the violence."

"And I am responsible. All these years ago, when I left with G'Kar, I was so angry at everyone, Sheridan, Bester, the Corps, even the other rogue telepaths. I was full of hate and I wanted everyone to suffer for the pain I felt. Two years later, I returned for the first time. G'Kar had taught me a lot in these two years, about myself and my decisions. It was then that I understood that we were doing Byron's memory a disservice with all this violence, with trying to kill each other.

"The Corps heard that I was on Mars and I barely escaped alive. I told the others then to stop the violence and fight PSI Corps by helping all rogue telepaths, but it took another two years before I really came back. G'Kar and I passed a remote Earthforce outpost. I read of the continued bombings in an old newspaper. I had to come back and at least try to convince the others, but I'm afraid that I'm not always successful. G'Kar insisted on staying by my side. He sees himself as my bodyguard but in time he has become my conscience. He would not have been hurt if not for me."

"Doctor Hardy assured me that he will make a full recovery. She also was very impressed with the telepathically induced coma, though it was hard to convince her to keep it out of his file. She said it saved his life. He should regain consciousness soon. You have nothing to feel guilty for, Lyta."

"I disagree, but that's not something we'll have to discuss now. Is there any way to monitor the negotiations." The other woman answered.

"I already ordered sector 14 to be kept under surveillance and sent an encoded warning to Colonel Lochley, but that's about all I can do officially."

"If I could get closer without being seen, I could scan the whole area just how I scanned the Station. It would make me feel better."

"You think those undercover PSI Cops wanted to take you out because they thought that you and G'Kar were on your way to the negotiations?" Susan asked.

"It's a distinct possibility. I was too busy to fight them off to scan them."

Susan studied the other woman's face and came to a decision. She opened a comm. link and ordered the surveillance of sector 14 cancelled and one of the new two-seater thunderbolts prepped for flight.

"Is there anything wrong, Captain Ivanova?"

"No, Corwin, I just need to stretch my legs a bit, so to speak. We only had Starfuries on the Jefferson. It has been years since I had a chance to fly a thunderbolt and B 5 is even equipped with the new ones. I want to try out this new distortion field that makes the ships so hard to pick up on the sensors since I first read about it. This might be the best chance I'll get to do so."

"I understand, Captain. Colonel Lochley also took the first chance she got to try the new babies out. I'll have one of our pilots waiting for you to serve as your back-seat."

"No need, Corwin. I'm just going for a joy ride, not into battle."

"But, Captain, the regs clearly states…"

"I know the regs, Lieutenant Commander, but in this case I'm pulling rank." She said letting amusement lace her voice.

"Alright, I give. Have fun, Captain."

"I will, Ivanova out."

Susan turned her attention back to the red-haired telepath. "Let's go, Lyta. I'll get you to the edge of sector 14."

"Thank you, Susan."

Halfways into the flight to their target area Lyta asked, "Why are you doing this, Susan?"

"Would you believe me if I told you that I don't know for sure? Let's just say that I was in the mood to go for a joyride and leave it at that."

"If you insist, I'll leave it alone, but I'd really like to know." Lyta answered softly.

"I read a lot about the Remember-Byron movement the few times we were back in the Earth sector, and I had the chance to read more since the start of my leave. In my opinion what happened on Babylon 5 should never have happened and I keep thinking that it could have been avoided, though I admit that I don't know how. Anyway, as an Earthforce officer I can't openly sympathise with your movement, but this, this is something I can do with good conscience."

"Thank you, Susan."

"Not for that, Lyta. We'll need another hour 'til we reach the border of sector 14. Try to get some rest while you can. I'll wake you a few minutes before we arrive."

Lyta took Susan's words for what they were, a polite way to tell her that she was done talking for now, and the telepath respected her need for some quiet time.

The dark haired officer, on the other hand, focused on the displays in front of her and tried not to think. Everyone who had ever worked with her knew about her contempt for PSI Corps and everything to do with it. So, it would only be logical to assume that she harboured sympathies for the rogue telepaths and their cause, but she never had admitted it to anyone. The honesty and trust she had shown Lyta over the course of the last day astonished her to a certain degree; it was against her nature. She usually was suspicious and distrustful. It made no sense.

Susan's strain of thoughts was interrupted by her long range sensors picking up some sort of disturbance. She rechecked the area, but it was gone. She programmed a wider search pattern, keeping the scans passive not to warn off anyone. The disturbance of whatever it was seemed to travel right in front of them and apparently with the same destination in mind. She changed the resolution of the scanners, now it was easy to follow the phenomenon. Unfortunately the sensors of the small fighter could not tell her much more about it. So, she asked Lyta for help.

"Susan, we're still too far away even for me to pick up anything."

"I'm picking up something strange on the sensors. Please, just try it."

Silence fell between them and Susan was divided between wanting the strange disturbance to be nothing but a fluke of the sensor array and wanting it to be some kind of threat to the negotiations for her to take out, a challenge of sorts. She had had her share of adventures on the Jefferson but for most of the time she had felt more like an administrator than like a soldier.

"You were right, Susan, there's someone straight ahead, five or six life signs, I think. It's hard to say for sure; at least one of them is a very strong telepath. He's masking the thoughts of the others. Except for the people on the White Star there should be no one else out there. Can you get us a bit closer, Susan?"

"I'll try. They could find us, if they knew what to look for, but I fear that that's a risk we'll have to take."

"I'll try to keep them from sensing us."

Another minute of silence and Lyta added. "There are six of them, only one is a telepath. He's very strong but keeping the minds of the others cloaked is taxing his reserves and his own shields. Just get us a tiny bit closer and I might be able to tell you what they're up to."

They came closer to the disturbance with every heartbeat. Susan focused on the sensor readings and tried to keep her breathing as calm as possible. They were coming in weapons' range of the disturbance.

"They have orders to destroy the White Star and leave enough evidence behind to implicate Remember Byron. We got to stop them."

"They would need some serious fire power to even make a scratch in a White Star ship." Susan said.

"It's a bomb. They're about to launch a bomb, a bomb big enough to even destroy Babylon 5."

"It's time to stop playing hide and seek. Lyta, can you let this telepath know that they have been made? Meanwhile, I'll send an encoded message to Colonel Lochley."

Susan kept the message short and sent it on a rotating frequency they had used during the Shadow war. She hoped someone on board would recognise it.

"Any reaction from our telepathic friend?"

"He's confused. He can't pinpoint our exact position but he's worried. He doesn't know what to make of it and what to do. Now he thinks of sending off his bomb earlier than planned and get the hell out of here. Damn, he found me. He's blocking me. I'm sorry, I lost contact."

"Another disturbance just appeared, on trajectory towards the centre of the sector. I'll program our missiles to intercept it. They should at least be able to knock it off target. And now we'll deal with these guys Earthforce style. Please keep an eye on the bomb."

Susan held her eyes firmly on the strange disturbance. She had expected that they would try to slip past them towards Epsilon Three and the Babylon 5 jump gate, instead they were heading deeper into space. That could only mean that their ship was capable of opening its own jump point. They had to get to them before they were ready to do so.

Suddenly, the ship was knocked off-course by some sort of shock wave coming from behind. Susan needed all of her skill to get it back under control but the wave had apparently shorted out their sensor arrays, and without them there was no way to keep track of the other ship – at least no sane way.

It was more than just a far shot and it was not without risk but she had to try. "Lyta, the normals, the mundanes on board of the cloaked ship, can you still feel them?"

"Yes, I can hear their thoughts. They're angry and confused. I'm not good with coordinates but they're in front of us, out of weapons' range – at least that's what two of them think. It seems as if they also were hit by the shock wave or whatever it was."

"I need more, Lyta. I need to see what you see about them, I need to hear what you hear. You can't fly this thing for me but you can be my eyes and ears out there."

"Do you really know what you ask of me, Susan?"

"I don't see any other way, Lyta. We can't just let them escape."

"Alright, we'll try it. I just hope that we both won't live to regret this. I'll have to initiate a scan to make it work. And if it does, we will see with my eyes and my mind but we will use your experience in combat and your reflexes. Try to relax, it will make it easier."

Of course, Susan's instinctive reaction was to try to block the scan, but she fought it down and suddenly she felt the minds of those five men, mercenaries possibly, in her head, and she knew exactly how to find them. It was hard to separate the voices but as soon as she had thought it, there was only one voice left, the thoughts of the pilot of the other vessel – and he was good, really good. She quickly forgot where the information was coming from.

Her Thunderbolt seemed to have a slight advantage in speed and they slowly gained on them. Suddenly, they veered around and Susan just barely avoided being hit by a pulse canon by pulling her craft in a tight loop. She returned fire and forced the other vessel to change course. They now were headed towards Epsilon Three.

Susan felt the exhilaration of the pursuit. She coaxed more than just the maximum speed out of her engines, rejoicing with every internal curse uttered by the other pilot. Thoughts and actions were in sync with him, like with every good fighter pilot. So, being in his head didn't give her that much of an advantage, but she could feel his growing nervousness and like a background noise the growing fear of his companions.

They were steadily getting closer, close enough to try to take their engines out and thus disable the other ship. She wanted them alive; she wanted to know for whom they worked. Just a bit more and she could use the electro magnetic pulse canon. It would fry the electronics on the other ship and they would easily be able to grab them and bring them to the Station. The other pilot evaded her first attempt but the second shot hit. Their cloak failed but they were still able to manoeuvre.

They returned fire, and moments later her fighter spun out of control. Her finger found the release button for the forward cannons before she was sure if she was upside down. She only saw it out of the corner of her eyes: a bright ball of fire indicating that the other vessel had been destroyed. It was so bright and blinding that it abruptly broke the connection between her and Lyta.

Seeing the expanse of space around them with her own eyes only, Susan for a moment had a distinct sense of loss. She suddenly felt alone, but now was not the time to contemplate the experience. She had to get her Thunderbolt back under control. The two hours flight back to the Station, however, gave her ample time to contemplate the experience.

Apart from enabling her to hear the thoughts of their opponents, what Lyta had allowed her to see was far beyond almost everything she had ever experienced before, but it also had been very exhausting and the sleepless night was beginning to catch up with her. She docked her flyer and wrote a short, mostly bogus report about the attempted bombing and the destruction of the enemy ship. She then collapsed on the bed and fell instantly asleep. She slept 'til the next morning and woke minutes before her alarm clock would have thrown her out of bed anyway.

Her door chimed when she was about to leave for the mess hall. "Lyta, come in. I'd offer you some coffee but my cupboards are rather bare at the moment."

"That's alright, coffee gives me a headache anyway. G'Kar was just released from the infirmary. We will leave in about an hour."

"Could you get in contact with your people at the negotiations?"

"It seems that the threat of this bomb broke the ice between the parties; they've really started talking. I'm still not sure if they will reach a compromise, and even if they do, I'm not sure it will hold. Anyway, that's not the question I expected. I thought you might have some questions about what happened out there." Lyta said.

"Take a seat, Lyta. You're right, I have questions, but I'm not sure if I really want to know the answer. What we did out there was an incredible experience but the longer I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that it should not have worked. I know that you're incredibly strong, Lyta, stronger than any PSI Cop, but I still… I'm sorry, Lyta, I can't talk about this. It makes me more vulnerable than I already am."

Lyta heard the worry in the other woman's and tried to reassure her. "Susan, what we did out there worked because you allowed it; you allowed me access to your mind. You saw with my mind's eyes but I was able to feel your emotions, not only the exhilaration of the pursuit but everything you ever felt, every joy, every sorrow, every pain."

At the other woman's alarmed expression, she added. "You have my word that I will never betray anything I learned about you to anyone, Susan. I didn't tell you this to embarrass you but to make you understand something.

"Being discovered by PSI Corps is one of your greatest fears. So, I want you to know that there's nothing to fear."

"What are you talking about, Lyta?"

"It's hard to explain, especially since I've never seen or felt anything like this. Should your telepathic abilities ever manifest themselves, you'll be very strong. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it's part of what I have to say. Thanks to the Vorlons I can scan people without them knowing it, but you felt it after you went through the energy barrier. For the fraction of a second you tried to block me, but when you stopped you felt to me like any other mundane. There was no hint at any latent telepathic abilities."

"That's not possible. My mother would not have been this insistent or cautious if she had not felt something."

"No, you get me wrong, Susan. I felt your potential when we were in space, when we were in each others minds, but were I to scan you now there would be nothing to find. It's too good protected."

"But that's not possible. I never heard of anything like this. Are you sure, Lyta?"

"Yes, Susan, I'm sure. As long as you don't try to actively block a scan, no one will ever find out. I don't know how you do it, how it works, but it does. I can only speculate that it has something to do with your mother training you from a very young age, perhaps from the first moment she found out that you inherited her telepathic gene."

"It sounds too good to be true, Lyta. So, I hope you don't mind if I still stay on my guard. You also gave me a lot to think about I'm not sure I want to think about, but thanks anyway."

"I know it's a lot to take in, Susan, but I felt that you had to know. And now I need to go. G'Kar is waiting for me at the docking bay."

"I'll walk you there. This way you won't have to sneak around the back."

They walked in companionable silence and though a few of the security guards obviously recognised Lyta, none of them tried to arrest her, despite the standing orders from Earthdome.

Susan was greeted by G'Kar with a smile and a bear hug. He also expressed his sorrow that they had not had a chance to talk after all those years. At Lyta's request he left the women alone to say their good-byes.

"Stay in contact if you can, Lyta, and let me know when there's anything I can do to help you or Remember Byron."

"I will, Susan. Susan, there's one more thing. Years ago when the Captain was on Zha'hadoum you told me about the hour of the wolf, a dark time in the night when as you said 'all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should have gone but didn't'."

"Yes, I remember. I told you about my father's remedy. I told you how he took one glass of vodka to keep the wolf away and then three more small drinks of vodka just in case she had cubs while she was waiting outside. I also told you that it didn't work but I recently stopped trying to chase the wolf away with a drink."

"I know since the day of the dead on Brakir, but that's not what I wanted to talk about. Susan, you have been living in this hour of the wolf ever since Talia was lost to you. You could hide it then but since Marcus death… Stop mourning her. Talis would want you to find love."

Susan's well developed defences snapped in place; no one had the right to talk to her like that. She was about to deny Lyta's allegations when she saw the sadness and grief in the other woman's eyes.

"The same goes for you, my friend. Take care of yourself and of him." Susan said with a nod towards the ship, inclined her head in greeting and left.

THE END

To be continued in 'Memories II'

**P****n**** – Memories II**

by

romansilence

()

Copyright Disclaimer: No, the characters and background stories of Babylon 5 do not belong to me but to JMS and some other people. I just borrow them for a spin. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit will be made. This particular story arch, however, is mine.

Sexual Disclaimer: Nothing graphic here, but if the idea of two adult women in love with each other bothers you, my stories might just not be for you.

Language Disclaimer: English is not my first language. So, please let me know if something is wrong or stylistically out of line – and please don't blame my betas; they had a hard enough job as it is.

Timeline Disclaimer: The story takes place seven years after the founding of the Interstellar Alliance under President Sheridan. It's the sequel to "Pn – The Day of the Dead", "Pn – Coming Home", "Pn – Memories" and . "Pn – The Hour of the Wolf".

Summary: After a day of monitoring frustrating trade negotiations Susan takes another walk along memory lane, back to the time when Talia and she had just started to become friends.

Susan Ivanova was wandering the halls and corridors of the space station in the middle of the night. She had temporarily taken over command of Babylon 5 from Colonel Lochley only a few days ago. She already had had to deal with the corpses of two PSI Cops, had averted the bombing of the White Star where Lochley currently was mediating peace talks between the PSI Corps, the rogue telepaths and Earth government, and today she had had to spent the better part of her waking hours with some mediating of her own. It had left her filled with an edgy, nervous energy and made her unable to get the rest she undoubtedly would need for the coming day.

The sometimes boring routine of commanding a deep space explorer would have been vastly preferable to the strain of having to be polite to people whose personalities could certainly be vastly improved by smashing their heads together. Susan knew of the necessity of coming to a compromise in interplanetary negotiations. When she had still been Captain John Sheridan's second-in-command she had seen and lived through quite of few of these. However, when either the Centauri or the Narn were involved, then and now, Susan was bound to end up with a massive headache and as nervous as a cat in rocking chair factory, as her great grandmother would have said.

So, now, after having spent endless hours trying to keep either the Narn or the Gaim representatives from walking away from the negotiation table, Susan was headed towards the newly installed gym to exhaust herself enough to finally fall asleep. On the way there she passed the main zocalo. Her eyes fell on the now deserted dining area and her mind wandered back to the past.

It had been one of these days, with the dock workers only a breath away from another strike and Londo and G'Kar once again at each others throats. She was still recovering from the Drazi fight of purple against green, and just had spent the day sitting in on a completely frustrating diplomatic meeting.

Susan was sitting on a back table in her favourite bar nursing her second glass of vodka. The expression on her face was grim enough to even keep Garibaldi away. From the determined stride heading towards her Talia would not be as easily deterred. They just had started to be civil to each other, no, they had started to become friends, and Susan knew that there was a possibility of much more but she still was fighting her growing attraction to the blonde.

Talia stood in front of the small table and smiled down at her. She took her noncommittal grunt as an invitation to sit down, but instead of chatting away as she normally would, she just quietly studied Susan's face.

Finally she called the barkeeper over and whispered something in her ear. The woman smiled and instead of a third vodka a couple of minutes later a bowl filled with chocolate mousse was put in front of her.

Susan wanted to protest but a slender black gloved finger sealed her lips. "Comfort food, Susan. Eat, even big, bad commanders sometimes need it."

"Do I look like I need comfort?" Susan asked.

"I smell a trick question. See it this way: it's chocolate, chocolate can never be wrong."

"I don't like sweet stuff."

"Just try it, Commander Ivanova."

To avoid any more discussions she just scooped up a spoonful. It touched the taste receptors on her tongue and she instinctively closed her eyes in bliss. This certainly didn't taste like an overtly sweet dessert. It held a hint of alcohol and cocoa and just a touch of sweetness. Before she knew it she let a second spoonful melt in her mouth and only then did she once again open her eyes to face Babylon5's resident commercial telepath.


End file.
